So, for my third and final—promise, really—blog about dragons and unicorns and dragons that want to eat unicorns, sci-fi and spacesuits and pew-pew-pew! I decided to close an obvious gap and interview a real live unicorn.
Note: Yes. Unicorns do exist. Anyone who claims otherwise is just a stinky old grumpy-pants who didn’t get enough Legos for Christmas.
As an added treat—that’s what he called it, right after he threatened to ‘slow roast me like a kebab’ if I said no—I invited my old friend Blübbürgüt—Dragon Extraordinaire, Self-Styled Unicorn Expert, and Lord of the Tasty Nibblets—back to join us.
Note: You can read Parts I and II here and here.
J.B.: So it’s the holidays, and we’re here to talk about—”
Unicorn: Purple!
J.B.: Uh…
Blübbürgüt: *snorts* Purple’s your answer to everything, Snack Cake.
J.B.: So you two…know each other.
Blübbürgüt: Not really, Snack Cake here--
Unicorn: Snuggles! Not Snack Cake. Snuggles! Snuggles-Duggles-Mugglety-Bubbles!
Blübbürgüt: I think I’m gonna throw up.
Snuggles: Snuggles and Blübbürgüt are friends!
Blübbürgüt: WHAT?!
Snuggles: Bestest of bestest friendy-friend-friends!
BBG: No, we’re not. *snorts fire* You, are a snack, Snack Cake, not a friend. And the name’s Blübbür--
Snuggles: Friends-friends-friends!
Blübbürgüt: I said shut it, Snack Cake! And stop prancing around like an idition. This is my interview and--
J.B.: Um. Actually, it’s--
Blübbürgüt: Mine, meat stick. * flashes fangs*
Snuggles: Miney-miney-tiny-hiney.
Blübbürgüt: Newsflash, Snack Cake. You’re hiney ain’t so tiny.
Snuggles: *giggling* You’ve got a big belly!
Blübbürgüt: I do not!
Snuggles: Smelly-smelly-jelly-belly!
Blübbürgüt: Cram it, Snack Cake. And you! Jibber Jabber or whatever you’re called. Get on with the questions, meat stick.
J.B.: Ahem. Yes. Questions. Lemme see here…Ah! Here we go. So, this is a holiday themed interview, so what’s--
Blübbürgüt: St. Blastington’s Day.
J.B.: *blinks* Excuse me?
Blübbürgüt: St. Blastington’s Day. My favorite holiday. That’s what you were going to ask.
J.B.: Um. *shuffles papers* No, actually. I was going to ask--
Snuggles: Candymas!
Blübbürgüt: *rolls eyes* Candymas is not a holiday. It’s just some stupid thing you--
Snuggles: Candy-candy, fine and dandy! Eight days and nights--
Blübbürgüt: Next question!
J.B.: Right. *shuffles papers again* How about this: The holidays are a time for being thankful. Name three things you’re thankful for.
Blübbürgüt: Lamb shanks.
J.B.: Pardon?
Blübbürgüt: Lamb shanks and rump roast. Cloven deer served raw and bloody.
*smacks lips loudly*
J.B.: Cloven deer…Well that's...gruesome really. The holidays aren't really...ahem. Yes. Let's--
Snuggles: Sparkles! Rainbows! Cupcakes and ribbons!
Blübbürgüt: Cupcakes?! What kind of glue sniffing, panty-waisted--
Snuggles: Kittens!
Blübbürgüt: Well, now I do like kittens...
Snuggles: Kittens with mittens! Smittens with kittens!
Blübbürgüt: Mittens made of--
J.B. And there you have it, folks. Peace in our time. Dragons and unicorns brought together by a shared love of—stop it you two!
Blübbürgüt: *gnaw-gnaw-gnaw*
J.B.: Stop chewing on his leg, Blübbürgüt!
Snuggles: Stabby-stabby-flabby-gabby!
J.B.: No, Snuggles! Bad, Snuggles. Stabbing him isn’t helping…
Unicorn: Purple!
J.B.: Uh…
Blübbürgüt: *snorts* Purple’s your answer to everything, Snack Cake.
J.B.: So you two…know each other.
Blübbürgüt: Not really, Snack Cake here--
Unicorn: Snuggles! Not Snack Cake. Snuggles! Snuggles-Duggles-Mugglety-Bubbles!
Blübbürgüt: I think I’m gonna throw up.
Snuggles: Snuggles and Blübbürgüt are friends!
Blübbürgüt: WHAT?!
Snuggles: Bestest of bestest friendy-friend-friends!
BBG: No, we’re not. *snorts fire* You, are a snack, Snack Cake, not a friend. And the name’s Blübbür--
Snuggles: Friends-friends-friends!
Blübbürgüt: I said shut it, Snack Cake! And stop prancing around like an idition. This is my interview and--
J.B.: Um. Actually, it’s--
Blübbürgüt: Mine, meat stick. * flashes fangs*
Snuggles: Miney-miney-tiny-hiney.
Blübbürgüt: Newsflash, Snack Cake. You’re hiney ain’t so tiny.
Snuggles: *giggling* You’ve got a big belly!
Blübbürgüt: I do not!
Snuggles: Smelly-smelly-jelly-belly!
Blübbürgüt: Cram it, Snack Cake. And you! Jibber Jabber or whatever you’re called. Get on with the questions, meat stick.
J.B.: Ahem. Yes. Questions. Lemme see here…Ah! Here we go. So, this is a holiday themed interview, so what’s--
Blübbürgüt: St. Blastington’s Day.
J.B.: *blinks* Excuse me?
Blübbürgüt: St. Blastington’s Day. My favorite holiday. That’s what you were going to ask.
J.B.: Um. *shuffles papers* No, actually. I was going to ask--
Snuggles: Candymas!
Blübbürgüt: *rolls eyes* Candymas is not a holiday. It’s just some stupid thing you--
Snuggles: Candy-candy, fine and dandy! Eight days and nights--
Blübbürgüt: Next question!
J.B.: Right. *shuffles papers again* How about this: The holidays are a time for being thankful. Name three things you’re thankful for.
Blübbürgüt: Lamb shanks.
J.B.: Pardon?
Blübbürgüt: Lamb shanks and rump roast. Cloven deer served raw and bloody.
*smacks lips loudly*
J.B.: Cloven deer…Well that's...gruesome really. The holidays aren't really...ahem. Yes. Let's--
Snuggles: Sparkles! Rainbows! Cupcakes and ribbons!
Blübbürgüt: Cupcakes?! What kind of glue sniffing, panty-waisted--
Snuggles: Kittens!
Blübbürgüt: Well, now I do like kittens...
Snuggles: Kittens with mittens! Smittens with kittens!
Blübbürgüt: Mittens made of--
J.B. And there you have it, folks. Peace in our time. Dragons and unicorns brought together by a shared love of—stop it you two!
Blübbürgüt: *gnaw-gnaw-gnaw*
J.B.: Stop chewing on his leg, Blübbürgüt!
Snuggles: Stabby-stabby-flabby-gabby!
J.B.: No, Snuggles! Bad, Snuggles. Stabbing him isn’t helping…
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