J. B. Rockwell
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The Case for More Unicorns in Sci-Fi Part III: Unicorns are People Too (Not Really)

12/25/2015

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So, for my third and final—promise, really—blog about dragons and unicorns and dragons that want to eat unicorns, sci-fi and spacesuits and pew-pew-pew! I decided to close an obvious gap and interview a real live unicorn.
Note: Yes. Unicorns do exist. Anyone who claims otherwise is just a stinky old grumpy-pants who didn’t get enough Legos for Christmas.

As an added treat—that’s what he called it, right after he threatened to ‘slow roast me like a kebab’ if I said no—I invited my old friend Blübbürgüt—Dragon Extraordinaire, Self-Styled Unicorn Expert, and Lord of the Tasty Nibblets—back to join us.

​Note: You can read Parts I and II here and here.
J.B.: So it’s the holidays, and we’re here to talk about—”
 
Unicorn: Purple!

J.B.: Uh…
 
Blübbürgüt: *snorts* Purple’s your answer to everything, Snack Cake.
 
J.B.: So you two…know each other.
 
Blübbürgüt: Not really, Snack Cake here--
 
Unicorn: Snuggles! Not Snack Cake. Snuggles! Snuggles-Duggles-Mugglety-Bubbles!
 
Blübbürgüt: I think I’m gonna throw up.
 
Snuggles: Snuggles and Blübbürgüt are friends!
 
Blübbürgüt: WHAT?!
 
Snuggles: Bestest of bestest friendy-friend-friends!
 
BBG:  No, we’re not.  *snorts fire*  You, are a snack, Snack Cake, not a friend.  And the name’s Blübbür--
 
Snuggles: Friends-friends-friends!
 
Blübbürgüt: I said shut it, Snack Cake! And stop prancing around like an idition. This is my interview and--
 
J.B.: Um. Actually, it’s--
 
Blübbürgüt: Mine, meat stick. * flashes fangs*
Snuggles: Miney-miney-tiny-hiney.
 
Blübbürgüt: Newsflash, Snack Cake. You’re hiney ain’t so tiny.
 
Snuggles: *giggling* You’ve got a big belly!
 
Blübbürgüt: I do not!
 
Snuggles: Smelly-smelly-jelly-belly!
 
Blübbürgüt: Cram it, Snack Cake. And you! Jibber Jabber or whatever you’re called. Get on with the questions, meat stick.
 
J.B.: Ahem. Yes. Questions. Lemme see here…Ah! Here we go. So, this is a holiday themed interview, so what’s--
 
Blübbürgüt: St. Blastington’s Day.
 
J.B.: *blinks* Excuse me?
 
Blübbürgüt: St. Blastington’s Day.  My favorite holiday.  That’s what you were going to ask.
 
J.B.: Um. *shuffles papers* No, actually.  I was going to ask--
 
Snuggles: Candymas!
 
Blübbürgüt: *rolls eyes* Candymas is not a holiday. It’s just some stupid thing you--
 
Snuggles: Candy-candy, fine and dandy! Eight days and nights--
 
Blübbürgüt: Next question!
 
J.B.: Right. *shuffles papers again* How about this: The holidays are a time for being thankful.  Name three things you’re thankful for.
 
Blübbürgüt: Lamb shanks.
 
J.B.: Pardon?  
 
Blübbürgüt: Lamb shanks and rump roast. Cloven deer served raw and bloody.
*smacks lips loudly*
 
J.B.: Cloven deer…Well that's...gruesome really.  The holidays aren't really...ahem. Yes. Let's--
 
Snuggles: Sparkles!  Rainbows!  Cupcakes and ribbons!
 
Blübbürgüt: Cupcakes?! What kind of glue sniffing, panty-waisted--
 
Snuggles: Kittens!
 
Blübbürgüt: Well, now I do like kittens...
 
Snuggles: Kittens with mittens!  Smittens with kittens!
 
Blübbürgüt: Mittens made of--
 
J.B. And there you have it, folks.  Peace in our time.  Dragons and unicorns brought together by a shared love of—stop it you two!
 
Blübbürgüt: *gnaw-gnaw-gnaw*
 
J.B.: Stop chewing on his leg, Blübbürgüt!
 
Snuggles: Stabby-stabby-flabby-gabby!
 
J.B.: No, Snuggles! Bad, Snuggles. Stabbing him isn’t helping…
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    J.B. Rockwell
    J.B. Rockwell grew up reading fairy tales, folklore and mythology, as well as anything and everything about ancient cultures and their history, and never lost her taste for any of it.  She currently lives in West Virginia with her husband and two cats, all of whom provide inspiration for her stories, whether they know it or not.
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