By now you guys know the drill: I watch a bad movie (which is usually much, much worse than I expect it to be) I spend endless amounts of time ranting about it, and you guys just sit back and laugh. Yup. That's what I'm here for: cheap laughs and disgruntled muttering.
Well, if you enjoy reading about my suffering, you're going to love this month's edition of Bad Movie Reviews because I suffered HARD. Frankly, Loch Ness is is terrible. No, that's too soft. It's atrocious. An affront to moviedom. In the immortal words of Bart Simpson: I didn't know it was physically possible for something to both suck and slow at the same time.
Welp, Loch Ness did. Intrigued? You are? Why?? Ahem, I mean, read on, gentle reader, read on...
Bad Movie Review: Loch Ness: Nessie Takes a Vacation
So, I was struggling this month, trying to figure out what movie to review. I mean, there are so many bad-good (and bad-bad, and really, really bad-bad) movies out there to choose from, but I just couldn't find one that felt right.
And then the SyFy Channel stepped in and saved the day. By which I mean screwed me over royally by tricking me into watching a crap fest of a movie!
Ahem. But I digress.
Thanks to the marvelous Lilyn G. at SciFiAndScary, who (for unknown reasons) not only puts up with my snarky babbling about bad movies but actually encourages it, I'm back with another Bad Movie Review. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dam Sharks! (their punctuation, not mine). Interested? My god, you are, aren't you? What is wrong with you? Can't you see this is going to be horrible? Shouldn't you be running away?
No? You're staying? *sigh* Fine. Click on the picture below to read my review. But don't say I didn't warn you...
It's hard to believe, but Serengeti released two years ago this month. Two years! How is that possible? It feels like I was just telling you about this book and now here it is, a publishing toddler. I felt like I needed to commemorate this milestone, especially now that, with the release of Hecate, the Serengeti trilogy is finally complete. And how, you ask? Well, what better way to celebrate with a little music. A song or two (or twelve) to form the soundtrack to Serengeti.
I've actually had this idea kicking around in my head for a while, partly because I like to listen to music while I write, and partly because, like most authors I know, I have this silly dream that someday someone will make Serengeti into a big budget film. I mean, who wouldn't want their words and ideas translated into a glorious moving picture? But to have a movie, you need a soundtrack--one that captures the essence of the story and the feel of individual scenes. Well, I've mapped out my soundtrack, which includes a bunch of my personal favorites. Some songs you've probably heard of and some you probably haven't. Either way, have a listen. Sit back and enjoy.
Army of Me - Bjork
Scene: Kickoff of opening battle
Starlight Run - Hands in the Sky
Scene: Meridian Alliance retreat, right before Serengeti jumps to hyperspace
House of Cards - Radiohead
Scene: Henricksen and Finlay making for the lifeboat
New Light of Tomorrow - Husky Rescue
Scene: Slow pan through Serengeti’s wrecked body while she sleeps
Happiness - Grant Lee Buffalo
Scene: Engineering with its burnt out robots
Dancehall Places - Mint Royale
Scene: Tig and Tilli working around the ship
Sorrow -The National
Scene: Serengeti looking inside the lifeboat
Die Young - Sylvan Esso
Scene: Firing the big gun to repel the scavengers
Mouthful of Diamonds - Phantogram
Scene: Serengeti touring the outside hull with Tig and Tilli
Agaetis Byrjun - Sigur Ros
Scene: Lifeboat setting off on its journey
Bleeding Heart Show - The New Pornographers
Scene: Valkyrie Arrival
Heroine - Sinead O’Connor
Scene: Closing credits
I know it's been a while, but I'm back with another Bad Movie Review! And since you guys seem to like to see me suffer (to date, Anaconda 3 is by far my most popular review) I watched another big 'ol piece 'o crap, just for you. It's called Whiteout and it stars Kate Beckinsale as a US Marshal trying to solve a murder in Antarctica. Sounds great on the surface, right? Yeah, it's not.
Hit the screen cap below to review the full review! Many thanks to Lilyn G. at SciFiAndScary for once again letting me clogging up her wonderful blog with my snarky rantings about these movies.
With 2017 just about in the can, I figured it was time for some retrospection--in this case, a look back on the happenings (and not-quite-happenings) as it relates to my writing career. 2017 wasn't the worst year for me, nor the best either, more of a mixed bag of 'Yay, I did a thing!' followed by 'Ugh, I'm getting nowhere'. A few opportunities appeared in November and December, though, that leave me hopefully that 2018 will be The Year of a Really Big Thing! or, at least more encouraging than 2017 turned out.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
First, a few data points about the good, the bad, and the...well, not ugly but less-than-thrilling highlights of my 2017 writing career. Because I like to end on a high note, I'm going to run through the Debbie Downer stuff first to get that out of the way.
The Bad & Not-So-Thrilling
In June, our mischievous little cat, Ludo, pounced across the Rainbow Bridge to chase mice and bask in the always-warm sunshine of Kitty Heaven. That's him in the pic below, looking cute as always. Ludo was a sweet cat and mischievous, even for a feline. At times he could be annoying, at others entertaining, but what cat isn't--to share a home with a cat (or three in our case, luckily Oliver and Blink are both doing well) is to be annoyed and entertained at all hours of the day or night...usually when you're trying to sleep, because that's when cats universally decide to party.
RIP Ludo (AKA, Mugsy, AKA Busy Feet, AKA, Pants). We miss you terribly and will love you forever. *sniffle-sniffle*
Alright, so that cat detour wasn't exactly directly related to writing, but I spend a lot of time tapping away at keys with a cat on my lap, or beside it, or sprawled out on a couch nearby, and losing Ludo after 15 years together was definitely a blow. The second blow--one I really wasn't expecting, one that caught me completely off guard--was when I lost my agent in October. After roughly two years of partnership, my agent unfortunately decided that he couldn't do anything more for me and my career, so that was the end of that. Now I'm back in the trenches doing the Sending Out Queries Rhumba.
Ouch. That hurts the old ego. Ah well, onward and upward as they say and no looking back. I'm a firm believer in a brighter future and that good things come from adversity and all that, which means it's time to transition to the 2017 good stuff.
The Good Stuff
First and foremost, I released a book! Hecate (the third book in the Serengeti series from Severed Press and a prequel to the original) stormed into the world in June (yes, the same month I lost little Mugsy) and so far has received good reviews. An audiobook version followed in October which also seems to be popular, leaving me feeling pretty darn good about the way the Serengeti series turned out.
Oh, and I also sold a short story called The Salt Debt to Luna Station Quarterly. If you're interested, you can read it here.
So, that's my publication news--not as much as I'd like, but a novel and short story I'm quite proud of. In between, I've been busy writing new books and short stories and ferreting out avenues for publication, and more recently, querying agents to represent me and my works. Nothing so far--a few partial requests and at least one full--but hopefully I'll be reporting back in 2018 with some news.
In the meantime, I'm laying down new words. I don't have an exact count for what I wrote in 2017 and I never know whether to include words edited as well as completed manuscript length, but here are the major projects I completed this year
(Note: I decided to not include words edited. This is a straight count of the length of each completed project):
Creepy/weird novella: 23,000
SF space opera novel: 115,000 (plus another 15,000 I wrote when a friend suggested I split the original into two books)
YA fantasy novel (partial): 66,000
Short stories: 21,000
Grand Total for 2017: 240,000 words written
Not bad overall, though certainly less than many of the other writers I know managed to lay down. If I add in all the Bad Movie Review blog posts I wrote for SciFiAndScary (a gig I conned site host Lilyn G into and thoroughly enjoy), I can probably add another 20,000 words to that tally because I do love to go on and on about the bad-bad movies that I love-love-love.
And speaking of SciFiAndScary, I'm proud to say Dark and Stars (Serengeti Book 2) was named one of 2017's Best Indie Novels by this seriously entertaining site.
*puffs up proud*
As to the rest of the year, well, as always, I met new and amazing writers, enjoyed a raft of good books, and shared the joy, tears, frustration and elation that is authordom with my lovely and loyal Inkblot writer friends.
*hugs all the Inkblots, loves them forever and ever*
So, that's 2017 in a nutshell. There were a few other hits and misses, and a near publication that spawned another opportunity that has yet to play out, so I'm looking ahead to 2018 and feeling delightfully hopeful after a stretch where I feared my writing career had stalled.
New year, new opportunities, right? 'Course I'm right. Now get out there and read a book!
So, this one might get me tarred and feathered. Die Hard is a classic, and near and dear to a lot of peoples' hearts. Personally, I love the movie--I love almost all the movies I review for SciFiAndScary--but, well...it's got problems. Lots of them. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't affect my enjoyment. In fact, one of the reasons I love this movie so much is that it is terribly, horribly flawed. And over-the-top. And full of explosions. So hit the link and read my ramblings. But please remember that I quibble out of love. :)
Bad Movie Review & Recap: Die Hard
So, you guys know how much I love SciFiAndScary , right? Right??!! I mean, who wouldn't love this blog, they let me ramble on about bad movies, after all. Well, this awesome site is also a huge supporter of indie authors and small press books. And this year, to my surprise and delight, Lilyn G selected my little sci-fi book, Dark and Stars, as one of her best indie sci-fi reads of 2017. YES! Looking for some suggestions for your next read? Well, click on the image below and you can check out the entire list.
I'm baaaacckk! Yup, it's that time again: time for another bad movie review. This one's a doozy: Anaconda 3 (that's right, not 1, not 2, I jumped all the way to 3, staring David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff.
If you're new to the site, I'll mention that I do this on a monthly (give or take) basis, in conjunction with SciFiAndScary. For me, it's a ton of fun--I get to watch a 'so bad it's good' movie and then ramble on in prose about it--and SciFiAndScary gets some regular content. Win-win! So, if you're looking for some light entertainment, or maybe a suggestion for a bad movie to watch on a rainy Sunday, hit the pic below and you'll be whisked away to some rambly goodness.
Shh! I don't know if I'm actually supposed to show this to you guys yet. Granted, no one actually told me to keep the cover hush-hush, but I kinda didn't ask if I could reveal it either. So, surprise! Check out the luscious cover Tantor Media came up with for the audiobook version of Hecate, Pretty cool, eh? And you can get your hot little hands on a copy soon-soon-soon! As in, October 17th soon! Huzzah!
J.B. Rockwell grew up reading fairy tales, folklore and mythology, as well as anything and everything about ancient cultures and their history, and never lost her taste for any of it. She currently lives in West Virginia with her husband and two cats, all of whom provide inspiration for her stories, whether they know it or not.